Meg is hoping some of you have missed her witty banter this week. She hasn’t felt witty, or bantery whatsoever (I can make up words if I feel like it, right?)
First of all, pine pollen. She has been rendered Dorothy in the poppy fields this week so her brain isn’t working right.
Secondly, The Hounds of the Baskervilles live next door. Meg was peacefully sleeping this morning and at 4:45 a.m., she was awoken by baying, as she has been for the past two weeks. It’s the kind of noise where you sit bolt upright in your bed, and are so fU**ING pissed off, you zip downstairs grab your phone, and call the cops. Meg did this while sitting on her front step in her p.j’s, calmly explaining the dogs are unceremoniously unleashed every morning for an hour or more, barking, baying, and being batshit crazy under her bedroom window. Just so you know, she plans to call every day and calmly explain her dilemma ’til someone does something about it. She’s a bad enough sleeper as it is, she doesn’t need this bullshit.
Also this week, Meg was BOMBARDED with relocation paperwork and inspectors calling her about her impending move to the Lone Star State. The Big Financial Services Company wants to inspect their house for termites, and then conduct another separate inspection, which she was advised would be the worst thing she’d ever go through. Fab. Just fab. You can’t even imagine the scenarios that danced through her head, until her husband clued Meg in and said, no worries, we have all kinds of leeway blah, blah, loopholes, just fugettaboutit. And to boot, inspectors these days evidently don’t use their business phone, they use their girlfriend’s cell phone that shows up as “Suzy Creamcheese” on your caller ID. Meg can guarantee she’s not going to pick your call up if you are using your bimbo girlfriend’s cell phone.
And to put the cherry on top of Meg’s cake this week, the charity she volunteered so much time at, the one where she updated their website and did all their crap work for 5 years, decided to let another person redesign their web site; the one she had been begging to redo for years. Meg heard the phrase, “he’s a big donor, you know” and knew she was toast.
Meg just finished sitting at a meeting where people that KNOW NOTHING about web sites said the new one should be the color of hope, and then gave Meg a HANDOUT. With their name and middle initial at the top. She didn’t say a word, she just took it in. Then the charity asked if she could take photos at an event and come to more meetings next week. Meg said her schedule was very busy, and told them to get the 50 other volunteers they have on hand; the ones that come for the free lunch to pick up a camera and do some work at the event. They expressed concern Meg couldn’t be there for the next website meeting, which is WHAT SHE frigging DOES for a living, but she said “I’m sure you are in good hands“. She had a bright smile on her face when she left, but poured a large glass of wine for a late lunch when she arrived home.
Just to top her day off, the sandals she ordered from Zappos arrived, and Meg hated them.
Thanks for listening girls, Meg promises to have the uplifting summer reading list she had planned all week posted for your literary pleasure very soon. Now she’s going to weep in a drink for a bit.
PS. Just saw the rabbits ate my parsley and dill. Glad they have fresh breath now.