This week, it came to Meg’s attention that brides to be have gone off the deep end. You know how everyone wants to lose a little weight before a wedding?
And right, even if you aren’t the bride, the bridesmaids, the parents, and the entire wedding party wants to lose weight, because who’s wants a professional photographer snapping away, taking crappy shots of you doing the chicken dance?
So this week, the New York Times featured the newest trend in bridal insanity:
You might think this is a seriously ill young lady, and you’d be
half mostly right. She’s a bride that’s dissatisfied with her current dress size, and to combat her perceived weight issue, she’s decided to hook herself up to a FEEDING TUBE. The tube delivers 800 calories a day, ensuring the bride starves herself into the false size 8 she thinks she is. It also decidedly ensures some doctor who took a Hippocratic Oath, should have thought twice about attending medical school, and should be the star of a richly deserved commercial for car accidents and whiplash.
Meg remembers being a bride, and picking a dress she thought was fashionable and comfortable. There was no Vera Wang then, no Kleinfeld’s. It was just a regular bridal shop, not a multimedia experience. She mentally fast forwarded to the show “Say Yes To The Dress”, and was astounded at the people on the show that:
a. Insisted on wearing strapless dresses when they didn’t have the figure for it:
It’s just not the best look….
Or picked dresses that should be best thought of as a fantasy outfit for a “What Stays in Vegas” ceremony:
Umm, isn’t that the ho-bag label?
Meg saw an actual show one day on TLC, where the bride picked out a dress that had a shirred, bias bodice. Which meant all the materials were draped sideways and sewn intricately, with a straight strapless neckline. The bride to be stood in mirror wailing inconsolably, saying, I WANTED A SWEETHEART NECKLINE.
She cried and sobbed and carried on, and yet, she PICKED OUT AND BOUGHT THIS DRESS knowing it didn’t have those features. The seamstress, to her credit, managed to craft this idiot’s dress to turn out semi-sweetheart, and Meg’s favorite part was then she walked down the aisle withe the dress of her dreams, the audience could see nothing but her bathing suit tan lines. Right. After all that, she walked down the aisle, and the only neckline you could see was the one from the halter strap bathing suit.
In fact, it looked much like this:
Meg almost thought these chicks from the Gypsy wedding show looked better:
And honestly, doesn’t the guy you are marrying already like you the way you are? Yeesh.