I Can’t Help Myself Friday. When Actresses Go Awry.

Sometimes Meg wonders what fame does to actors. One day you see them in a great movie or TV show; maybe they are twirling on the red carpet. Then years later, you wonder what they’ve been up to, and you realize they’ve completely gone off the f**king rails. Shall we ponder how a career goes down the toilet?

Meg remembers Janine Turner on Northern Exposure, it was such a quirky interesting show, with a fabulous ensemble cast:

She can’t remember if she ever got together with Rob Morrow, but she remembers the show. Especially the John Corbett part:

OK, enough distraction. Want to know what Janine is up to now? Check out this video, which I KNOW you will not be able to get through:

Janine is a conservative radio talk show host. Janine apparently has been teaching the Federalist Papers, the Constitution, and as well as pimping out her daughter on her Constituting America website. If you think this website is crazy, take a look at her personal website, Janine Turner, where she not only has a million publicity stills:

photo by Doug Demark

But she also has ads for a local bakery and Century 21 real estate. I guess no one told Janine that simplicity is best when putting up a website. I always think sleek and spacious pages attract readers, but hers looks like it might attract a serial killer.

Alicia Silverstone. Wasn’t she so cute in Clueless? Meg loved that she didn’t see Paul Rudd was into her for practically the entire film.

Now she’s a well known vegan and cookbook author, and she’s also more recently famous for this:

OK, she’s feeding her kid like a bird. Call me crazy, but isn’t that what baby food is for? Or better yet, use one of those special baby blenders to puree the food. I realize civilization worked like this at one time, but there really isn’t a need for mouth to mouth feeding in Hollywood. Oh, and for the love of God, please stop naming your kids screwed up names. Bear Blu? Isn’t that like a cartoon on TV?

Lastly, I hate to even put this one in here, but I have to:

Drew Barrymore sweetie, you might call you hair “ombre” but I call it bad roots. Stop doing that and get a real color!

I always try and tie Jon Stewart to any Friday piece I write, and here he is, waxing on Rupert Murdoch’s role in the cell phone hacking scandal:

And kids, if you have learned nothing from this Friday’s blog, it’s to always have a good hairdresser at the ready. Never succumb to celebrity bad hair.

Lone Star Wrap Up!

Whew! The family has been in a whirlwind of activity for the past week. The Big Financial Services Company her husband works for flew Meg and her husband, along with a hundred other people to Texas.

When they landed on Thursday, they and their good friends Dave and Missy set out for Fort Worth, where they dined at this place:

The Lonesome Dove Bistro was a perfect blend of Western decor, hospitality, and food. Meg sampled rattlesnake, rabbit, elk, wild boar ribs and hamachi tostadas. Oh, and a jalapeno margarita! You may call her an adventurous eater. You would be right. It was all delicious, and then the couples headed down the street, taking in some of the cool neon signs:

Should I get cowboy boots?

And then we hit a place called Billy Bob’s:

We checked out the band:

Anyone want to join the drunk girls on a fake steer? YEE-HAW!

We saw the wall of fame that listed all the country stars who performed and recorded there:

We packed a lot in for one afternoon, and basically kicked all the young ones a**ses, who all went snoozy time and ordered room service when they landed.

Friday was a top secret visit to the facility with breakfast, lunch and oohing and aahing over the digs the husbands would work in. In the afternoon we were assigned a person to show us various towns and homes that had such features as a 16 x 20 outdoor kitchen, a stadium seated media room, and a pool and hot tub. Crazy stuff, Meg’s head was spinning.

The next day was free time, and the couples headed back to Ft. Worth. They saw a cattle drive in the Historic Stockyard District, complete with cowboys, and cowgirls, too!

Aren’t they cute?

In fact, was was so enamored of the Longhorn, she climbed up on one!

Let the record indicate I merely wanted to stand by the longhorn at first, but was convinced it would be much better sitting up on it, away from the horns.

And so did Dave and Missy:

Meg managed to find time for some eclectic shopping:

She knows she’ll be heading to Rios for furniture if she moves down there. Everything was reclaimed wood, vintage accessories and cool pottery. LOVE!

And then it was on to the art show, and by art show, I mean the best one Meg ever attended. Seriously. Art, sculpture, glass, photography, jewelry. Beautiful and affordable, and there was music, margaritas and tacos.

There was a minor incident with a GPS on the way as believe it or not, we had to go back to Billy’s Bob’s country bar to take a shuttle to the downtown area. As we cruised past Ft. Worth, the ladies on the back seat commented to the men “hey the tall buildings are now to the back of us, as in you are heading AWAY from the city”. Not paying attention, the men cruised for another mile or so, whereupon we asked them, “are you listening to us?” and furthermore, what so you have typed in the GPS?”

Bill-Bob’s Barbecue is on the Las Vegas Trail in somewhere, Texas. Meg can guarantee you it was nowhere near where we really needed to be, nor was it the right name. So lesson learned men, you might think you are in love with that GPS voice, but you should listen to your wives who know the real scoop. Cause the GPS is nothing but a tramp.

All in all the family had fun on their trip, but they still have many life changing decisions to make. Just so you know, either deal we get from the top secret company is good, stay or go.

Lord, what to do?

Say No To The Dress! Seriously.

This week, it came to Meg’s attention that brides to be have gone off the deep end. You know how everyone wants to lose a little weight before a wedding?

And right, even if you aren’t the bride, the bridesmaids, the parents, and the entire wedding party wants to lose weight, because who’s wants a professional photographer snapping away, taking crappy shots of you doing the chicken dance?

So this week, the New York Times featured the newest trend in bridal insanity:

You might think this is a seriously ill young lady, and you’d be half mostly right. She’s a bride that’s dissatisfied with her current dress size, and to combat her perceived weight issue, she’s decided to hook herself up to a FEEDING TUBE. The tube delivers 800 calories a day, ensuring the bride starves herself into the false size 8 she thinks she is. It also decidedly ensures some doctor who took a Hippocratic Oath, should have thought twice about attending medical school, and should be the star of a richly deserved commercial for car accidents and whiplash.

Meg remembers being a bride, and picking a dress she thought was fashionable and comfortable. There was no Vera Wang then, no Kleinfeld’s. It was just a regular bridal shop, not a multimedia experience. She mentally fast forwarded to the show “Say Yes To The Dress”, and was astounded at the people on the show that:

a. Insisted on wearing strapless dresses when they didn’t have the figure for it:

It’s just not the best look….

Or picked dresses that should be best thought of as a fantasy outfit for a “What Stays in Vegas” ceremony:

Umm, isn’t that the ho-bag label?

Meg saw an actual show one day on TLC, where the bride picked out a dress that had a shirred, bias bodice. Which meant all the materials were draped sideways and sewn intricately, with a straight strapless neckline. The bride to be stood in mirror wailing inconsolably, saying, I WANTED A SWEETHEART NECKLINE.

She cried and sobbed and carried on, and yet, she PICKED OUT AND BOUGHT THIS DRESS knowing it didn’t have those features. The seamstress, to her credit, managed to craft this idiot’s dress to turn out semi-sweetheart, and Meg’s favorite part was then she walked down the aisle withe the dress of her dreams, the audience could see nothing but her bathing suit tan lines. Right. After all that, she walked down the aisle, and the only neckline you could see was the one from the halter strap bathing suit.

In fact, it looked much like this:

Meg almost thought these chicks from the Gypsy wedding show looked better:

And honestly, doesn’t the guy you are marrying already like you the way you are? Yeesh.

I Can’t Help Myself Friday. Why My Brain Needs Spanx.

Meg knows one thing, and that is that she’s a girl that needs to have all her parts in the right place. Meg needs a good bra to hoist the girls in place, she needs Spanx for a dressy dress, and she needs her head on perfectly straight to watch the news. Shall we peruse what’s going on this week, and see why Meg might need Spanx for her brain?

Boo hoo, Miley. You whine the press is after you, yet you leave your house barely clothed to go shopping. You’ve got an Iron Maiden shirt on, and you look the part of a 70’s groupie. Way amp up the fashion Miley! P.S. You do need underwear for a mini-dress, especially if you climb into a limo.

Oh where to begin with this one:

Meg has never seen the Simon Cowell show the X-Factor, but apparently Britney Spears is about to join the show as a judge of talent. I’ll repeat that. Britney Spears is about to become a judge of talent. I rest my case on that one.

Look who has a new boyfriend:

Kim and Kanye! Is Kim even divorced for the dolt she married for 72 days? Does anyone think she should run off to a deserted island and live happily ever after on a sand bar devoid of mascara?

Lord, help us if these are the new American icons for women.

Shall we watch someone who should be everyone’s icon, Miss Tina Fey?

And Simon Cowell, I personally am going to strangle you if you let Britney chew gum on air. We can only hope she doesn’t stick it under the judging table.

What Do Memories Mean to You?

When Meg thinks of a memory, it’s usually something nice. A holiday dinner, a wedding anniversary, opening gifts on Christmas Day:

Or maybe her nephews playing in the backyard:

Sometimes a memory is a wistful one, like finding an old photo of her Dad:

But did you know your memories are like a construction project, constantly tearing down and rebuilding your brain?

Meg was a tad horrified to hear that, thinking that between her rich dream life and the million thoughts that run through her head every day, it’s clear her brain is the Big Dig tunnel project working on overtime. Considering she was having cocktails with two cross dressers in her dreams the other night, she knows her brain must be on overload. There’s an explanation for that, she had been watching RuPaul’s reality show. You all know the last thing you watch at night will show up in your dreams, right?

Anyway, researchers have come up with a pill that could possibly erase negative memories and block them permanently. Jonah Lerer recently spoke on Here and Now, and talked about the article he had written for Wired magazine:

When you recall a memory from the recesses of your brain, the act of recalling it changes the memory itself. And when you remember, the brain has to use protein to form and rebuild the memory, kind of like putting spackle on a hole in the wall.

So far a drug cocktail has been tested on rats that will inhibit the proteins used to build memory, thus eliminating the memory, and the pain associated with recalling that information. Researchers feel it might be helpful for war veterans that are experiencing PTSD, or even people with severe depression and debilitating anxiety.

But you you imagine if people got a hold of the drug and used it say, recreationally? Imagine soneone saying “God, I really hate the craptastic review my boss gave me. I’m just gonna pop one of those cool memory eraser pills and forget that ever happened!” Break up with boyfriend? Zing, take a pill! Bad grade one semester? “What, did I even take that class?”

Meg can see the negative ramifications of the drug in everyday life, never mind if some craven dictator like Bashar Al Assad got his dirty hands on it.

Luckily, the drug is 5 to 10 years away from reality, but even that doesn’t seem a long time away for something that seems like it’s an episode of the Twilight Zone.

Meg does think it would be great if some memories went away, but ultimately, they are part and parcel of who we are, the people we have become, and reflect our true personality. If we never had to overcome adversity, would we even have a compass to steer us in the right direction?

Every man’s memory is his private literature. ~Aldous Huxley

And I think Huxley is right, what would the story of our lives be without memories? Would you take a pill to forget certain things?

Happy Easter!

May your weekend be sprinkled with jellybeans and chocolate bunnies. Because Meg knows all her readers are just the sweetest peeps ever, and she’s not talking marshmallow peeps.

Have a great weekend!