This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club, but the content and opinions expressed are my own.
Claire Bidwell Smith’s memoir will resonate with anyone who has lost a loved one, as she poignantly takes the reader on a journey through the five stages of grief, as famously outlined by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler Ross.
“It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.”
This quote could easily be Claire’s touchstone; in each chapter of her life she struggles to comprehend life without her parents. Early in her adolescence, her mother becomes ill with cancer and Claire spends her high school years on eggshells, navigating teen friendships, her first love, and finally acceptance into a Vermont college hundreds of miles away from home and her fragile mother. As Claire maneuvers through each rite of passage, she is acutely aware her mother’s time is limited.
Instead of embracing the time they have left, Claire is dismissive of her elegant and charismatic mother, setting up walls of denial, desperate not to feel the pain of her mother’s inevitable demise.
Photograph: David Trood/Taxi
After her death, she and her father begin a tender and tentative journey together, in which Claire finds herself dealing with her elder father’s health issues, a burgeoning career as a writer, and a boyfriend beset with his own issues, unable to relate to and support Claire.
Her journey of grief also takes her on a dangerous shark dive in the Philippines, where she flirts with danger; hoping one of her parents will reach from beyond and send her some kind of signal. It’s here in the dark ocean; on the other side of the world, that Claire finally realizes that only she can rescue herself.
After close to a decade of grappling with her grief, Claire finally sheds her insecurity and grows to appreciate and embrace her parents for who they were; more importantly, she is finally able to make peace with herself, and with the memory of her parents.
The Rules of Inheritance will ring true for anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one. Smith’s style works well for this type of memoir, as she deftly reaches back into her past and weaves together the fabric of her life with each stage of grief. It’s a heartfelt and touching story that is authentically sad, but will ultimately leave the reader feeling a sense of reconciliation and acceptance.
Does the death of a loved one make you look at each day in a different light? Does it renew your appreciation of how to live in the moment?
You can join in the lively conversation about the Rules of Inheritance on the BlogHer Book Club page:
http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-rules-inheritance
