Meg always speculates about people that are named after cities and states. She wonders whatever happened to the tried and true baby boomer names like Jane, Janet and Janice? (actually three of the most popular names in her high school!). What can the parents be thinking when they say, “I love the name Tampa Bay. Let’s go for it!”
Meg is always suspicious when she see a major broadcaster named Savannah. She pictures lush deltas, boiled peanuts and fried chicken, not someone with a brain in their head. For awhile it was de rigueur for a Hollywood celebrity to name their child Dakota. Was the mom to be channeling Mount Rushmore during her epidural?
She sees Brooklyn is a new fave, and she knows a tree grows there.
Vienna is an awesome city for waltzes and sausages, but did it really fit the ho-bag Bachelorette from last year?
Meg thinks not.
It was with trepidation last week that Meg let someone named Alexandria take blood from her arm. Meg saw she was sporting Betty Boop scrubs, which irked the living shit out of her. She promptly started thinking of her as Constantinople instead, because she knew she was in for a battle. She sat in the chair and offered up her left arm, which she often does to spare her go to all purpose right arm. Constantinople wanted to go for the right, because she was all like, this is no problem.
She tied her arm off and tapped for a vein, of which there are plenty, and in went the needle. The minute Constantinople went in Meg knew she was toast, and as the needle came out, so did a bunch of blood.
Meg would have loved to fight Constantinople to the death as she left the building, because she IMMMEDIATELY knew her arm was going to be f**ked up. Sure enough, 30 minutes later, a soup bowl sized black and blue started creeping up and down her arm, and she couldn’t lift her appendage for 24 hours. She wonders if Constantinople thinks because she was named after an ancient city, that she must leave all of her patients battle fatigued and wounded as they leave the lab.
In any case, Meg will be on the lookout the next time she has blood drawn, and her technician better not be named Newark, that’s all she’s sayin’.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I graduated with Debbie, Donna, Diane, Doreen and Darlene.
When I was a lab tech I usually trusted the patient when they told me which was their best vein.
Little Miss Sunshine State´s last [type] ..Annual Stare At Manatees Day!
I met Ripley, a little baby girl named after the last survivor of the Nostromo.
Glad to see others are annoyed by stupid first names. My “favorite” stupid name is Madison and it is incredible how many baby girls were given this name over the two plus decades when “Splash” was in theaters across the US. I often wondered why people would want to name their daughter after an avenue in NYC (which is where the mermaid’s made up name came from).
Ann Zee, I just keep wondering what will happen when all the Madisons grow up? They all be waitresses one summer on college break and we’ll be seeing stars as everyone named Madison is our server!