I Can’t Help Myself Friday. Graphically Speaking.

Today Meg was feeling a little creative, and she’s decided to depict her week via some interesting graphs. She guarantees you’ll never see these in any boring Powerpoint presentation in your office! Shall we begin?

Meg is oh so tired this week, and this just about sums up her feelings about the holidays:

Anyone? Anyone else feel like this?

Meg was inspired by the Zadge to create this Sound of Music Graph:

Your fearless bloggers both feel Christopher Plummer’s hotness in The Sound of Music has increased exponentially with age. When a young Meg first watched this movie, she was HORRIFIED at the thought of Julie Andrews off on some month long honeymoon with the Captain. That has seriously changed over the years, as shown in the scale going from old and decrepit to HOT. Feel free to pass this along.

Meg awoke to the news that her cell phone carrier, Verizon, wants to CHARGE people two dollars to pay their phone bill via the web, or YOUR ACTUAL PHONE. They say “it costs money”. Umm, doesn’t check processing take MORE MONEY and MORE PEOPLE? I’m so writing you a-holes a check.

BTW, If your phones are so F**king smart, then the phones should come up with a cheaper plan. So there.

What is with morning news anchors wearing cocktail dresses and chandelier earrings? It’s 5:00 am sister, and unless you are doing the walk of shame from a long night out, you SHOULD not be wearing this outfit or trashy accessories.

Meg wants to thank you for coming along through her 2011 ride through blogdom, and she hopes to see you all back here bleary and dragging bright eyed and bushy tailed in 2012!

Happy New Year, bloggy peeps!

Where I Can No Longer Read.

But at least the way I view things is amusing. Have you ever noticed funky grammar sprinkled throughout my blog on occasion? I give you the TV listing I THOUGHT I saw in the paper the other night:

You should know that Meg has numerous pairs of reading glasses liberally placed on various desks and surfaces in her home, as well as in her purse and her car. Except they aren’t always at the ready when she needs them, which explains so much about how this teeny bit of info in the newspaper registered on her brain.

First of all, for those of you not familiar with the Sound of Music, (my favorite movie of all time. You DO know me, right?) Maria is a POSTULATE, aka, a nun. Still, Meg was startled to see that TV listing in the paper, she did not remember any tacky red lights outside the convent; nor did Mother Superior’s habit resemble anything unseemly or tawdry.

Meg was also reading a recipe for Gingerbread Men this past week, which she read as Gingerbread Martini. Men/Martini’s; Tomato/Too-mato. I see nothing wrong with that, other than the fact I became obsessed with finding out the ingredients and making a spicy concoction?

She thought that Santa’s Elves might be Elvii, as in the Flying Elvii, and she could see the tie in to Elvis Presley’s Blue Christmas on that one, so let’s give Meg a pass, OK?

Meg wishes she kept a whole list of stuff she misread, because somehow she thinks it would be a best selling book, or at the very least she could make that heinous Jay Leno pay for the rights to it and feature it on the unwatchable Tonight Show.

Stay tuned and see what zany things Meg comes up with in the year 2012; there should be some doozies!

PS. She already knows she used the first and third person in this blog, but that was intended to emulate Meg’s brain today. Thanks for sticking with her, she appreciates it very much!

The Ghosts of Christmas Past!

Meg is in the spirit this morning. She’s decorated her blog with lights and trees, and she’s got all of her shopping done. All that remains is some cooking, wrapping, and maybe a trip down memory lane, to visit the Meg’s of Christmas past:

Look, it’s baby Meg with her very first iPhone! Look at the delight on her face, realizing she can chat it up with all of her peeps anytime she wants!

Meg’s Mom may have been trying to coax her with a different toy, like a choo choo train, but she was having none of it. Just imagine if she got a tiny laptop and she insisted on blogging on Christmas Day?

Here’s Meg with her aunt, and why does she hear the music to Happy Days right now and have visions of the Fonz leaping off a motorcycle?

Shall we try and move into the world of Technicolor?

Let’s face it, the seventies were kind to no one. Her Dad has a corderoy coat on, her Mom has a giant fur hat, and Meg is resplendent in rust, faux sheepskin, and John Lennon glasses. Only her sister, Ain’t Miss Beehaven, is sporting a cute little cloche and looking stylish.

Let’s move to the eighties, shall we?

Did you know you could hide a pack of elves in that hair? Meg wonders how she managed to tame that mane.

It’s fun to look back on the holidays and laugh a little, remember those no longer with us, and reflect on the good fortune of being able to share the holiday with family and friends. Even if bad fashion prevailed some of those photos…

Meg hopes all of you have visions of sugar plums dancing in your heads, and get to spend Christmas exactly the way you want this year!

All Santa Wants Is For Me To Be Fit.

Well, actually, my doctor does too. For the better part of this year and part of last, Meg was battling the demon known as benign positional vertigo. Essentially, it’s vertigo without any fu**ing medical reason whatsoever. What makes it even more annoying, is the medical profession can’t really do anything for you.

So Meg had MRI’s, she had stupid hearing tests (HELLO, she’s UNDERDOG for God’s sake. She hears every blessed thing, just ask her husband.) she had some ENT specialist tell her to walk in place for 5 minutes so she could tell her she moved across the room. No shit, what did you expect with my eyes closed?

Meg was sitting in dark rooms this past summer, nauseated and battling migraines. Some days were better than others, but the thing that suffered the most was her physical health. Sit-ups? Forget about it! Elliptical machine? Are you on drugs, that thing spins! She totally lost her core and her mind over a matter of months.

Suddenly, in September, the spells subsided and Meg cautiously starting trying things, like the spinning bikes on the gym floor (she isn’t cool enough to be in a class, that’s for the Escalade crowd) and the weight room. She investigated Yin Yoga, and started taking that. It’s great, you aren’t all tipped upside down all the time and trying to show off. It’s all about stretching, which is a fabulous thing to do for an hour and a half.

Then she added Reformer Pilates, which is pilates on a machine with springs and easy on the joints:

Then in a bold move, she added something called TRX. If you have ever seen a commercial for it? Meg thought TRX was where you hung upside down like the singer Pink and spun around.

Once she found out she wasn’t required to be half-naked and sprinkled with glitter, she was on board.

Then she found out Saints quarterback Drew Brees is a spokesperson, and the concept was invented by Navy Seals. Impressed?

Meg is too, because it turns out she’s pretty good at it. This is suspension training, which provides another fitness routine where there is no pressure on your joints, and your aren’t pounding pavement or having a gym floor kill your knees and feet.

Slowly but surely over the last few months, Meg is getting her mojo back, and hopefully her previous size, which will only one notch lower, but still that will feel good.

And Santa would want that her to do that. In fact Santa, you can have those cookies that plate Christmas Eve. Take them all, and a few for the reindeer, too. Meg will be TRXing her eggnog away!

I Can’t Help Myself Friday. All Christmas, All the Time.

You know those radio stations that start playing music on Thanksgiving week? The ones that play Suzy Snowflake and Dominic the Donkey? Don’t get me started on Madonna’s version of Santa Baby; the one where if Eartha Kitt weren’t already dead she rake her nails down Madonna’s cheek for destroying her classic song?

Yes, those stations torture me, which is why we are going to watch videos today. Pay attention class!

Meg had NO idea the Royal Navy was so cheeky. Yeah, baby!

Speaking of British humor, Mr. Bean is pretty creative with a interactive Nativity:

In an ode to her Boston roots, Meg would like to give you The Real Housewives of South Boston, doing their Yankee Swap:

She is WICKED HAHHHD PRESSED not to ask for that Tom Brady crucifix. Especially since her Tommy is going up against the Zadge’s Tim Tebow this weekend. Meg hopes the theme from the Departed isn’t playing when her Pats visit Denver!

Let’s end with Jon Stewart, who takes a trip back to 1789 to see how the colonial fathers celebrated Christmas:

This weekend, relax, decompress, and throw a little eggnog back. You deserve it, people!