Potpourri for $600

The stakes for Potpourri are high today, as the family survived Hurricane Irene! They played weather tag with their family in Virginia, where the storm pummeled them on Saturday, and then we here in Massachusetts took our turn on Sunday. We didn’t lose power, the basement is perfectly dry, and there are only a few branches to pick up and burn in the firepit. However, the wine rack is nearly empty.

All in all they were grateful, albeit completely stir crazy.

Meg is certain she does not want to see a member of the Weather Channel anytime soon. Don’t even get her started on Al Roker.

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Meg keeps seeing these commercials for a new groundbreaking television show about Playboy bunnies. She has also seen a preview for a Pan Am stewardess show. Meg remembers the time she graduated from college and interviewed for a position. She can’t remember what the position was, but she got two recommendations from the old lecherous recruiter. One, was to go into marketing, for which she believes the only qualification was you had to be young and attractive. He then thought for a minute and had a better recommendation. That was, to fly the “Friendly Skies“. Yes, he suggested Meg become a stewardess. Her comment back to him was “why do I want to be a flying waitress“?

Meg doesn’t have much hope for either show, but she completely digs the retro Pam Am logo:

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Meg’s godson Mr. Sixteen turned Mr. Seventeen last week. The card is in the mail, kid! Does anyone lament the lack of cool birthday cards for this age bracket? Is the bridge year between 16 and 18 like Land of the Lost? My sister might think so.

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OK, the newest trend is for fifty-somethings to get themselves tattooed. Meg guesses it makes people feel empowered? She thinks there is nothing wrong with a well placed and discreet tattoo on one’s body. However, as you can tell from this photo, placement of said tattoo on one’s bicep is something you should run, run, run away from. Please see my story in the sidebar about the People of Target and you will know of what I speak.


I Can’t Help Myself Friday. Natural Disasters.

It seems like we have under siege this past week. An earthquake rumbled through the Northeast, and now we are preparing for a hurricane. Meg has batteries, candles, provisions and of course, a bottle of champagne she forgot about. She’s got her eye on that because who doesn’t need a mimosa while battling tropical winds? Seriously, you all raise your hands right now because you know you want to hold a flute of bubbly up to the storm and curse it.

Hurricane Prep day continues, but we should check out the other disasters unfolding across the nation today:

Jim Carrey is calling this a comedy routine. Perhaps funny if you thinks a pervy 50 year old coming on to a 22 year old is somehow amusing. Meg can’t help but think of a creepy Tom Cruise trolling for a young Katie Holmes and jumping all over Oprah’s couch like a madman. The certainly qualifies as a disaster.

Will Meg be reduced to watching a Jersey Shore marathon this weekend? (She knows several of her friends that are quite enamored and protective of this little band…). She thinks it might be fun to watch them a la Masterpiece Theater.

Meg has been constantly noticing joggers in her neighborhood, especially the part where she is NOT jogging. Seriously men, you do know it’s not the eighties anymore?

Esquire magazine is sponsoring a Facebook contest to help some dude named Santo find a creative way to propose marriage. Here is one Meg predicts would be an unmitigated disaster:

Meg wishes this woman would blog about all her bathtub experiences so she can use it here as a regular feature. She is waterlogged just thinking all of that splashing and the rain hasn’t yet begun here.

Meg is off to survey what other things she can secure and lash down to the decks. She is sure her wine rack will be the first thing she stabilizes.


Postcard from Maine

The family took a little trip to Maine recently, which is hands down one of Meg’s favorite places to visit. For some reason, her blood pressure seems to go down exponentially as she travels up the scenic coast to the Camden/Rockland area. The people are lovely and kind, the scenery beautiful, and the smell of the salt air is better than any perfume you could find.

They were staying right down the street from the Farnsworth Museum. The iconic sculpture by Robert Indiana in the museum courtyard perfectly describes Meg’s feelings about Maine:

They hit an art show that combined paintings and a farmer’s market:

They also attended an boat show and saw some awesome vessels that made them raise our eyebrows and consider “could we really be sailors?

Answer: NO. We would be a complete menace to any port we landed in.

When Meg spotted a pirate, she shouted AHOY and asked if she could climb on board:

There, she spied Jack Sparrow’s much cuter brother who entertained the guests with his drinking swashbuckling stories:

Oh to live on a schooner! Actually, not such a good idea, they eat a lot of ramen noodles and pizza.

Of course, everywhere they went, signs exhorted them to EAT:

And so they did, with a perfect combination of lobster:

And drinks:

Ahh. Maine is the way life should be.


Hello, I’m Semi Brain Dead.

It’s Tuesday, and because I know you all need a laugh, I have decided to give you the queen of semi-homemade, Sandra Lee:

I know, it’s incomprehensible how this woman is on TV. Here’s what’s even more earth shattering. There is not a bottle of Patron or Don Julio to be found on that counter. The only thing that is missing is the jaunty sombrero on top of her head.

Does anyone know of a way we could get her to run with the bulls?

Ole, Sandra.


Monday Potpourri for $400

Monday Potpourri is like the Jeopardy game, except without the money. Hopefully you’ll get some laughs instead!

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Meg went to Maine and bought a few quarts of wild Maine blueberries. She forgot how incredibly delicious they were; so much better than the cultivated kind.

She baked muffins using the old Jordan Marsh department store recipe; a visit to their bakery when she was a kid was one of the best things ever. The muffins are now residing in a Tupperware container where they continually mock her from the kitchen in a vain attempt to get Meg to snack on them all day long.

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Meg joined a martini club last night at a local restaurant (GASP!). Her sassy bartender convinced her that their watermelon martini was top notch, and turns out it was and she’ll be back! In other liquor news, Meg recently discovered she loved gin, when she had an Elderflower Collins in Maine.

1 oz. Gin
1 1/2 oz. St-Germain Elderflower Liqueur
1/2 oz. Lemon Juice
Soda

Shake all ingredients and pour into a Collins glass packed with ice. Enjoy!

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Meg has been enjoying the recent smack down of Paula Deen by Anthony Bourdain. He was quoted as saying she’s “the worst, most dangerous person in America … plus, her food sucks”. Meg would have to agree her food is laden with bacon and mayo and butter and lot’s of fried stuff, to the point you can actually obtain indigestion by merely watching her. Here’s Bourdain’s take on a Paula creation via Twitter:

The Food Network has completely overexposed numerous people such as Sandra Lee (don’t even get me started) and Guy Fieri; all of them seen to roll in corn pone before they go on-air. Since most of us here are reasonably decent homecooks and bakers, Meg thinks they should consider bloggers on the Food Network. We could showcase our talents and bring some real live cooking and conversation to the mix. Oh wait, they are doing that. I guess we have another cholesterol throw down on our hands. Sigh.

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Meg is hard pressed to see who is wearing more diamonds in this clip; Kim on her forehead or Bruce Jenner in his ears. He really should not wear glitter of any kind near his face, I think that goes without saying. Is Kris Jenner ready for takeoff with that dress? She can’t wait to see all of your critiques about this event!

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Meg recently reviewed the novel “The Kid” for the BlogHer Book Club. You can check out her complete review here; there are quite a few opinions on this provocative book, which is a follow-up to the book Push: A Novel by Sapphire.

Happy Monday, people!


I Can’t Help Myself Friday. State of the Nation.

As Meg awaits the royal nuptials of Kim Kardashian this coming weekend, she found herself hard pressed for light and entertaining news. Sadly, she is compelled to deliver the drivel that politicians are pushing this week. Meg wants to let you know it’s for you own good, the run-up to the 2012 election is bound to make us all insane, so just think of this as a light workout in preparation to lose your mind:

Tea Party Senate candidate Christine, “I’m not a Witch” O’ Donnell is promoting a new book:

Here’s the hilarious part. She thinks she gets to set the agenda and determine the questions Piers Morgan is asking. Christine, guess what? You aren’t on a date where you get to pick what you want to talk about. You are on a talk show where INTERVIEWS take place. Could it be she didn’t place enough eye of newt in her cauldron the other night?

Governor Rick Perry could be providing Meg with a ton of new jokes and blog fodder:

There is his rich cheerleading past, reminiscent of another Texas resident:

He apparently knows his way around a pistol, just in case he needs to duel a la Alexander Hamilton:

And Jimmy Kimmel has nicely provided him with a new campaign ad:

As always we need to end with a little Jon Stewart, who debunks Rick Santorum’s theory that water cannot be turned into an alcoholic beverage:

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Speaking of beverages, you all sit back with a nice tall one, and enjoy your weekend!