For Your Amusement

This week, Meg isn’t amused about much of anything. Right now the plumber is still in her basement after his third visit this week. Meg has been unable to make herself all sparkly clean with the traditional daily hot shower, and it makes her profoundly unhappy to have stood under cold water for two days, because someone may as well have been water boarding her instead. She hopes she won’t have to flip out on Randy this morning. Meg’s husband saw her do a fake flip out * on someone the other day, and it scared him. He told her to hang up the phone immediately. Meg told her husband she would hang up her imaginary phone right away, so not to worry. (*A fake flip out is just when you talk to yourself and say all the things you want to say to someone and can’t. I highly recommend them for getting stuff off your chest).

In other news, Friday is April 1st and we all know that’s April Fools Day. After a long cold winter, Meg is finally throwing a wine tasting party. This bash is one she waited to plan and set a date for, because the winter weather were so bad for the past 2 months that it was impossible to plan anything. In an ironic twist of fate, a nor’easter is projected to dump snow upon us on April 1st, reducing Meg to:

“It’s snowing still,” said Eeyore gloomily.
“So it is.”
“And freezing.”
“Is it?”
“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, “we haven’t had an earthquake lately.”
The House at Pooh Corner

Now she has to watch tracks of weather and Doppler and pay attention to all the weather people that clearly have conspired against her, and can you feel another fake flip out that turns into a real one coming on?

Watching these babies plot to steal their Mom’s Haagen-Dazs and consume it all will be sure to bring a smile to even to most aggravated soul today:

Meg hopes that spreads cheer and brings on a warm front.

Technology Monday

Meg is feeling all techno geeky today. She downloaded a bunch of new books onto her Kindle, and also discovered she can download all kinds of other cool things besides basic reading material.

She always liked a good game of SCRABBLE, but somehow the board never seems to make it’s way out of the closet anymore. Now, Meg discovered she can play a challenging game by herself on her handy Kindle. She likes the idea of deluding herself into thinking she is carrying an IPAD, which she recently tested at her local Verizon store and totally fell in love with. Meg loved virtually flipping the pages and the gorgeous crisp interface. She did not like all the crisp Benjamin Franklin’s she’d have to shell out for one, and she thinks her trusty laptop, Kindle, and her unsmart phone will do her just fine (Because holy crap, data cost freaking $30 per month. She can live without that).
In other technology news, apparently parents of high school students have more to worry about than just making sure their kids are drug free and abstinent. Kids now sleep with their cell phones under their pillow, in case they get an emergency text in the middle of the night. You never know who is breaking up with who and and when you are needed. “I just don’t feel like myself if I don’t have my phone near me or I’m not on it” said one 16 year old. Meg isn’t sure what to think about that, and the 3000 text messages teens send per month. Her head might explode.
Princeton professor Gary Nunokawa is a popular English professor on the Princeton campus, who has a cult following among students. Nunokawa has been using Facebook to create a series of on-line essay’s in Facebook called “Jeffbook“. He completes each entry with a series of interesting little footnotes and observations. Judging from some of the hours he posts his essays. I’m wondering if he ever sleeps, and more importantly, what his Facebook status is? Exhausted?
In her last bit of technology news today, Meg has discovered her hot water heater went kaput this morning. She is waiting for a plumber to improve her house technology be giving her hot water and a reasonable bill.

Facebook status: Frowny Face.

I Can’t Help Myself Friday. The Trumpster.

Where shall we begin with the man who’s molecules and DNA consist of self-tanner and hairspray? It’s not bad enought he foists celebrity battles between Meat Loaf and Gary Busey upon us, but now he thinks he is qualified to be the POTUS.

Let me repeat that. He thinks he can be the President of the United States of America.

Here’s the Trumpster suggesting we hit up South Korea for “protection money”:Geez Trump, maybe you and Tony Soprano could make a killing in that waste removal business? Protection money from our allies?

Imagine all diplomacy being shot to hell, as Trump tells China to go screw themselves. He was all honked off we had a state dinner and served them gourmet food. Maybe we should have called up the local take-out joint for some General Gao’s chicken and some crab rangoons? Another mai-tai, President Hu?

Here’s Donald waxing about the President’s birth certificate:

Don’t we all have things we hate on our birth certificates? I know I do, and it’s called MY AGE.

A flurry of things are running through my mind right now. Will Melania be conducting her duties as First Lady from Mar-A-Lago? Will all the Trump kids be serving in the cabinet? What will be his Secret Service Code Name, Agent Orange? And more importantly, will the Marine Corps Band play “Hair to the Chief” when he debarks from Air Force One?

It’s all too much to think about. Let’s end with a little Trumpster rant from one of my favorite comedians, Lewis Black of the Daily Show.

This weekend, I think we should all start our Friday off with drinks sprinkled in gold leaf and served by a set of palm frond waving men. It might be the latest trend if we elect the Trumpster!

The Man Zone

Recently, big box stores and supermarkets have taken to establishing certain aisles calling them “Man Zones“.

Blue lowrider lights glow from the floor of the Men’s Zone, and speeding cars flash by on flat-screen TVs. But no one is downing beers and cheering on his favorite NASCAR driver. This is Aisle 13 in a Texas supermarket, a place where manly manicuring reigns supreme, not far from the deli counter and the florist shop.

Ladies, ever take your man shopping, only to lose him oh so quickly to some other part of the store? For example, when Meg heads to Target, it only takes mere seconds before she sees the back of her husband heading for the:

a. snack aisle
b. automotive and garage area
c. electronics department

She is confident in that airport hanger of a store that she can locate her husband salivating over shop towels or playing with some sort of gadget in electronics. She has even discovered that he thought it was important to have a tiny TV in the garage, which I guess is the dream of every man that owns a large garage full of power tools.

Meg imagines Target making a little lounge and setting up a beer pong area too:

Meg thinks the Man Zone is a brilliant idea that could be carried over to lots of other stores. And they shouldn’t have to be geared to retail, either. Why not set up a little man cave in say, Nordstrom’s where a guy can go play pool and watch ESPN while his wife eagerly skips from department to department hunting down bargains? Why not have a throwdown area in Williams Sonoma where guys make manly snacks with processed meat?

Retailers, use your powers for good and start making shopping easy on all of us!

Just sayin’.

Potpourri for $500

It’s Monday. Bleah! Welcome to Potpourri, where there is never an exchange of money, but rather an exchange of random thoughts that make no sense.

Is it strange Meg is reading a newspaper to review book recommendations to download to her Kindle?

She selected Blood, Butter and Bones for her next read!

Look at this empty space!

Continuing on her spring cleaning rampage kick, Meg had the fine fellows from that national JUNK outfit at her house. They took away an old sleep sofa, a worn out leather chair, and an air conditioner that Godzilla would have been challenged to lift. She wanted to pick the mover’s brains and find out about the hoarder’s houses they clean out; but they had another job to get to. Is Meg the only one that watches that show with her mouth open and heart pounding the entire time? I must stop doing this on Sunday night.

This weekend’s full moon, or Perigee Moon. Gorgeous!

Bad hair day all around this morning. Meg has a cowlick that refuses to be tamed, rendering her with the look of say, a Don King. At least she is not alone:

Ann Curry at least has the benefit of the NBC makeup and hair department at her beck and call, but it’s apparent she’s been taking care of that chore herself, by deciding not to even comb it. And to add to Meg’s annoyance, every time she opens her mouth, she sounds like that Woodstock character in Peanuts. “WAA, WAA, WAA”.

It started snowing. Well, Meg still sat in that chair and had a Bloody Mary on Sunday. Happy Spring!

I Can’t Help Myself Friday. The Jeans Edition.

Jeans can either be your best friend or your worst nightmare. Ever cruise through the tables and racks in the store, only to see the knees artistically ripped, or too much acid wash from the 80’s on display? As we know people, these are not looks to rock, they are just some market driven fashion maven’s idea of what sells.

Meg herself has several types of jeans she likes that are reasonably consistent in fit, form and function (thank you Tim Gunn for that perfect phrase). She has some dark Urban Cut jeans from Banana Republic that are quite comfy and look nice for tooling around town and running errands. She has her more dressy jeans from a company called Mu Jeans, because she like that they have a touch of spandex and a no gap back. Plus some fun bling to make them look special.

Lately Meg has been seeing this mini infomercial on cable:

She finds these jeans profoundly disturbing, because the *are* really pajamas, and we all know that PJ bottoms should not be worn in public. Lady, I don’t care if you are in the garden center at Lowe’s, I don’t want to see you in them. And a mock zipper is not going to fool anyone into thinking these are real denim.

Another distressing trend is jeggings. They have been around for the past year. Unless you are 6 feet tall and weigh 125 pounds, these are not going to be the thing for you.

See? Don’t they look uncomfortable? And you have to walk around teetering on high heels in order to balance you whole body out. I would have to hire a pair of guys to carry me around on one of the bedazzled reclining platforms in order to carry off that look.

But here’s the twist this year:

Remember the girlfriend with the great style? Here’s a tribute to her – a fit that’s super-snug allover, an update of the five-pocket classic that’s as skinny as it gets.

That’s Levis take on their latest contribution to mens fashion, or more likely, men’s infertility, because I think most men would suffer mightily with that type of fit.

Here are the only men I ever thought looked good in the skinny jean:

Right. Unless you are one of the Ramones, don’t even consider this trend. And if you do, be sure to play this song while you are rocking those man jeggings:

This weekend, relax, kick back, and don’t be a slave to fashion!