I Can’t Help Myself Friday. The Year in Review.

I’ve done an overview of the Member’s Lounge, and it looks like according to my superlative mathematical skills (and you have no idea how funny that concept is) these are the top three trends in the Lounge for 2010:

1. Anything to do with wine and booze. I know it sounds like I should be in a twelve step program, but you know how it goes it blog land – everything is magnified for humor, right people? It’s supposed to be FUNNY.

2. Food and it’s good friend, weight. I guess I keep forgetting about it’s cousin, exercise. I’m gonna a better person to my cousin this coming year.

3. Sarah Palin. I know I shouldn’t even waste a keystroke on her, but as my feature says “I can’t help myself“. Here is a Palinism fresh from her recent favorite things list:

Fox News anchor: (in breathless voice)
So Sarah, what’s your FAVORITE wild animal?

SP: Well, vapid news anchor, as you know up here in Alaska, we love our wild, free, organic proteins. So I would have to say my favorite wild animal is a moose.

Don’t ponder that any further, just shake your brain out and let that statement be. I’ll try harder not to be astounded by her stupidity.

Here’s my last and latest trend:

Jack wishes everyone a cuddly New Year!


Christmas Recap

Christmas Day dawned crisp and bright. Rather than cook breakfast, Meg saved her appetite (which apparently know no bounds this week) for the feast that was prepared and hosted by her sister, Ain’t Misbeehaven.

She started with the Bloody Mary at noon, and quickly did a swan dive into cheese, shrimp, and the new crack cocaine called Trader Joe’s Rosemary Raisin crackers.

A flurry of presents were opened, with little Matt coordinating all manner of gifts for both man and dog:

Matt’s fabulous Auntie Meg bought him an official Boston Bruins goalie mask, which he quickly donned, along with the rest of his hockey gear:

Raise your hand if you love a kid who thinks jammies are awesome?

There was a break in the action for methamphetamines, the beef tenderloin and roasted garlic potatoes, with a side of cheesy spinach and several gallons glasses of cabernet.

Then, it was the man’s best friends turn:

Jack took advantage of his buddy’s Carson’s bathroom break to go on a reconnaissance mission to try out his friend’s Flintstone sized brontosaurus bone!

Jack did manage to get a few licks in before the 125 pound behemoth came back and gave him a look. That’s all, just a look. Jack quickly scattered and peed on the floor in an attempt to show everyone who’s boss.

Meg herself received all manner of wine glasses and accoutrements, and that should surprise no one who reads this blog.

Onward to New Years Eve, everyone!


A Holiday Blessing. Of Sorts.

May the road rise up to meet you;
May the wind be at your back..

Or, in Meg’s case,

may your gelatinous muffin top not rise up in such
a heinous way as to have your sweatpants feel tight.

The only thing that’s making Meg feel better about the muffin top is that she’s knows all her blogger friends are feeling the same way she does. Zadge was at Moomskers eating some of her fabulous cooking. Dawn probably made an entire sleigh out of a cheese block; she’s talented like that. Susan declared she’ll wait until next week to fend off the food and drink. Me too, Susan. Meg wishes she had some of Ain’t Miss Beehaven’s cheesy spinach to nosh on, and maybe some of Little Miss Sunshine State’s monkey bread making the house smell like cinnamon. Let’s add a touch of Ashleigh’s brownies for good measure, OK?

There’s a foot of snow out there and there is no way I’m addressing the GMT (and thanks, Zadge for coining that clever phrase, it sounds better than FAT) til next week. So HELLO beef bourguignon and garlic mashed potatoes later on tonight.

And bless you, fellow chowhounds, for next week we all make Dr. Oz and the South Beach diet our best friends.



The Today Show Montage

It’s the end of 2010, and apparently the Today Show has already called it a year. The news is done, the substitute anchors are out in full force, and mediocrity, as well as the LED Christmas tree is casting a glow over the Rockefeller Center Plaza.

Oh, look, it’s a cooking segment in which noonewhatsoever ontheTodayShowStaffeven hasaclue as to how to interact with a famous chef! That always warms my heart when someone busts their ass to craft a really nice dish, and Meredith Viera doesn’t even have a quarter to buy a clue.

Here’s a segment where I’m sure the anchors had a fistfight over who was going to do the interview:

OK, so this woman stays at home full time to watch over her ventriloquist puppets. Guest April Bucker said “I have actually used my strange addiction to my benefit; actually make a living out of being a professional ventriloquist,” she insisted Wednesday during an appearance on TODAY. “So it’s served me well. Right, May?”

“Absolutely,” the puppet that accompanied her on the show agreed.

Oh no way! Please tell me this is not real! You know that segment where they make over women each week? Maybe they could pick a hoarder from the crowd and Ann Curry can stage an intervention? Why report news at all?

A couple of times over the past few weeks I’ve clicked on the web site, remembering a interesting gift or techie thing I hoped I could locate quickly. Oh good luck people, the whole web site is made up of videos with Target commercials embedded into each clip. I almost wanted to toss my laptop, but why blame it for NBC’s egregious penchant for advertising dollars?

Large segments of the past weeks program have featured montages, where I couldn’t tell you what happened in real world events, but I could tell you this:

Matt Lauer and Al Roker were on the Plaza yukking it up with Jessica Alba, and then Al was making funny faces! Cut to Matt and Meredith who were fighting and elbowing each other like frat house brothers, and then Al calls them the Bickersons! Then Ann Curry was calling everyone “you guys” and saying good morning to each and every person in America before her broadcast minute of news, and then they had the entire 23 members of the Scotto restaurant family flinging food all over the set, and then it goes back to Matt and Meredith swatting each other with their scripts and more good natured barbs and zings, and then to Today’s own Jenna Bush who barely graduated from college but gets to be a journalist on a big morning show, and THE END.

I’m sweating and spent just reporting that hard news. Off for some wine and chocolate chip cookies and to read blogs, where I can get much better news.


Christmas Potpourri for $300

The shopping is done, the cards written out, and the wine rack is stocked. I’m going to be baking a few things, and wrapping some gifts, and chillin’ out while the hoards descend upon the Mall for crap. So let’s take a spin around the web and see what brings Meg Christmas spirit, and her readers a few laughs:

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I was perusing the Today’s Show List of “must have” Christmas books this season, and I ran across the Food Stylists Handbook. In reading further about the author, Denise Vivaldo, I ran across and hilarious article in which she confesses to selling several recipes to the dreaded Sandra Lee for one of her Semi-Homemade Crap cookbooks. The piece was pretty self-deprecating and funny, and she linked to this special holiday Kwanzaa cake episode that will literally set your eyeballs, if not your stomach, on fire. Watch, and tell me your mouth is not hanging open, OK?

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After watching that, I think I could use one of these:

Snap is a new organic liquor made with fresh ginger and tastes like a gingersnap cookie. Here, it’s paired with Maker’s Mark and a twist over ice, which I think is the perfect antidote to the Kwanzaa cake.
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Something I am really baking this week:

Rosemary Raisin Pecan Crisps.
I shouldn’t, because this is the exact kind of thing I demolish with complete abandon. What a heck, it’s the holidays!

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Best answer by a kid on what his Mom might want for Christmas:

Very astute, young one.

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And to end on another food note, if I find out that Julian Assange has Wikileaked my Christmas gift list, his ass is toast.

Carry on with your hall decking, everyone.