Potpourri for $200

Yes, that’s the Jeopardy category that contains everything but the kitchen sink, and it’s today’s blog entry. Ready? Let’s begin:

Did anyone participate in Black Friday? Not me, I’m a cyber Monday kinda chick. I have already wielded my mighty wireless mouse and now have gifts winging their way to me. I will also hit some cute places in town, because I like to support local businesses, and those kind of stores are usually fun to shop in.

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It has been brought to Meg’s attention that her dog bears a striking resemblance to Eddie Munster. Thoughts?

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Let’s go with a Jeopardy clue on this one, OK?

If you answered my neighborhood north of Boston, you are correct! For hours and hours on end, crews pummeled leaves into submission using equipment that cannot be detected by the decibel charts, resulting in a substantial headache. Other neighbors felt a similar plight, as Meg was receiving email with words like “F$&^!#!!!! when will they stop??!!!”. Meg now understands why a man shot out a television when he thought Bristol Palin might be a finalist in Dancing With The Stars, because she felt a similar urge to employ weaponry. Also, Meg would like throw in the fact that people that use that equipment are the same people that drive Corvettes.

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If you go to sleep to a Time-Life infomercial from the 70’s, it’s guaranteed you will attend a fantastic concert in your dreams. I highly recommend it, you wake up groovin’!

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And don’t you just love it when a jewelry store creates a personal interactive web experience for your husband? Perfect.

Welcome back to reality after a long weekend!



When Gods and Goddesses Go 21st Century

I love reading the paper on the weekend. It contains the most interesting tidbits and morsels of insignificant information, which in my mind is the best kind. Half the newsroom has already written their stuff for the weekend and packed it in, so they go all wire service gather anything they can get and stuff into a corner of the paper.

For example, I read that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi ordered several statues in his offices to be “restored”. And by restored, it appears he had a hand manufactured for Venus, the Goddess of Love, and had a penis built for Mars, the God of War. And lucky for these statues, the new parts came magnetized so the body part can be placed in the right spot and voila, anatomically correct! I guess that makes for easy removal too, although I’m trying to picture the janitor walking around with a marble penis stating he’s just going to give it a good scrub.

Seriously, what is the 21st century coming to when we have to make priceless works of art look visually correct? And imagine if Mars and Venus were actually in the 21st century and their plight was playing out in the social networks:

All I can say, is move over Bacchus, I’m joining you for a beverage.


I Can’t Help Myself Friday. The Shopping List.

She’s making a list, she’s checking it twice, she gonna find out who wants to smash the Mall’s MUZAK system that’s playing that annoying song LA LA LA. That’s right people, it’s time to sit down and write your Christmas lists out, and have I got some stuff for your consideration, courtesy of Hammacher-Schlemmer!

Want to get up in the right side of the bed this holiday season? Get the Peaceful Progression Clock, guaranteed to wake you in a soothing way with aromatherapy, gradual light, and the sounds of songbirds. If birds twittered in my ear every morning, I’d toss the clock across the room!

Sick of leaving Santa the traditional cookies and milk? Why not make his trip around the globe more enjoyable and give him a hit of oxygen? That’s sure to beat a sugar rush!

Don’t know what to get the kids? Let them get their hijinx on with a cross-bow that shoots marshmallows! Comes in the handy machine gun style as well!

Weary of those boring Lego’s and Barbie’s? Get the kids to use their powers for good by making things move with their minds! Perhaps they can master opening wine bottles to pour Mom and Dad a drink by using the Telekinetic Obstacle Course every day!

Lastly, nothing says Christmas like something from Thomas Kinkade. You know that guy, the painter of light. He’s the one that tosses a handful of glitter onto a schlocky object and charges a million dollars for it. Let’s all watch the train take a trip in Mr. Snowman’s tummy!

Here’s a unbiased review of the precious bauble:

“The expression in his eyes looks as if he’s saying, “I’ve been missing you.” That’s my interpretation. Since each one is hand-painted, yours might have a different look and you might have a different interpretation. Tiny little villagers enjoy the winter snow scene. Look carefully and you’ll see a little snowman and several lampposts.”

Exactly how do we know these villagers enjoy being trapped in a snowman’s stomach? Since when do a snowman’s button eyes express emotion? Who is the crazed person writing this crap?

This weekend, sit calmly, make a list, and go on-line and have the gifts sent to YOU. And then breathe in some regular old oxygen, and kick back with a drink. Let the holidays begin!


NaNoWayImOuttaWine

In honor of NaBloPoMo, I am here to say I while I celebrate it’s concept, I soundly reject it. As in sorry, but there no way I am crafting a blog post every day for the month of November.

Although, I have to say, I am loving those blogger friends that are participating in the daily post, and admire the fortitude it takes to do so. I try and crank out three posts a week, and hopefully entertain the masses. OK, really the tens of you who read me, for which I am forever grateful. And as much I love prose just springing from fingertips, I can’t imagine it would be brilliant every day. If I have to start posting those fake post it note thingies, then I feel as though I’m not giving the fans there monies worth. Not that you pay to read this right?

Here are some of the things that I’ll actually be doing this month:

YahShouldCutBackonSalt – Those glasses of wine just call for some salty nuts, don’t they? Damn you Marcona almonds. Must stop eating before holiday bloat sets in.

OhCrapYoKiddingRight? – Means “Christmas is really a month away and I haven’t bought a damn thing”!

YoMoMustExerciseMo – Yes, I know. Sigh.

NoHowNoWayNoHow – are they coming for Thanksgiving. Self explanatory.

YouSoWantedThisDogNowCleanUpItsShit – Yes, the dog likes to leave gifts in a certain spot, and we can’t figure out why.

And speaking of the subject, I am out of wine and must run out so I can supply my book club with the nectar of the Gods this evening.

NoPoMeThereIsNeverEnoughHoursInTheDay.


You Don’t Know Jack!

Here’s a little secret Meg’s been keeping from her blogger friends! She has acquired a new family member and his name is Jack.

So here’s the deal. Once upon a time, Meg’s husband begged an begged for a dog. She wasn’t sure about this; her family never owned dogs growing up, and although Meg liked other people’s dogs, she wasn’t sure how to go about dog ownership.

Finally, she relented. A trip was made to a shi-shi suburb shelter and they got a dog. The dog lasted two days, because when Meg took that dog to the local vet, it turned on the staff, and the vet was like OMG, you cannot keep this dog, it’s CUJO! Not exactly those words, but something close to it. Off it went that very day back from whence it came, and let’s not go through that again shall we?

Fast forward to a year later. We have now picked up a 6 month old puppy from Hunter Thompson:

OK, he wasn’t really Hunter, but let’s say they could have been cousins. Meg was certain they’d acquired a dog from a certified nut job, and to make a long story short, it turns out the puppy was certified itself. Back it went.

So full circle, Meg is trying to give her husband his dream come true, and we cruise the shelters once again. And we came upon this gentle dog with a little name tag that said “Jack”. It was decided that Jack was worth a go, and his family has been watching him with bated breath to see how he was going to acclimate. Would he like dogs? Would he like people? Would he hate Meg’s Dyson vacuum?

So Jack came home and went for a bath on Halloween:

And he passed that test with flying colors! All the groomer’s loved Jack!

Jack’s next test was the doggie day care, because his family wants him to play nice with other dogs and socialize. And Judy the Dog Whisperer gave Jack a big thumbs up, and so now Meg’s feeling a little more confident that Jack is going to fit into the whole household scenario.

This weekend, Jack hung out in the yard while we raked and he did his thing. He tracked like all good dogs:

He wisely decided yard work wasn’t for him:

Being a savvy dog, he crashed at the end of a long day in his comfy new dog bed:

So now you know Jack, and we think he’s a keeper. Meg is happy, her husband is happy, and we do think Jack is certain he’s found the home of his dreams.