We all want to keep our arteries clear and our minds even clearer, right? Let’s take a spin through America’s restaurants and see how they are trying to kill us:
The KFC Double Down:
The Colonel reaches from beyond the grave and gives us a fried chicken sandwich, hold the bread and stuff it with cheese, bacon and some unspecified sauce. HELLO, 32 grams of fat!
The Olive Garden Fonduta:
Maybe it’s me, but when I see that kid on the latest TV commercial going “hey grampa, get anything you want, it’s on me”, I kind of think the young man is trying to do his grandfather in and collect the inheritance. I believe 1700 grams of sodium must swell and then pickle your brain, right? Also, I have a bone to pick with all those happy families going crazy over those breadsticks and salad.
Here’s what a real family would do at Olive Garden:
The International House of Pancakes “Pancake Stackers” features a new breakfast containing a piece of cheesecake sandwiched between two buttermilk pancakes, topped with fruit and whipped cream. Does anyone besides me feel their teeth are squeaking right now at the thought of eating this?
IHOP is really a place you go (or went, as the case may be) after drinking. A young Meg remembers a raucous night in Florida where she and her husband were out with her sister and brother-in-law and after copious amounts of draft beer and shots, and we insisted our limo driver stop at IHOP, whereupon we were cordially invited to sit in our very own section at the restaurant. Ahh, good times.
Let’s end our trip through clogged arteries with Daily Show contributor and comedian Lewis Black, who relays a little story about going to IHOP to take the edge off of his bad day.
Here’s to your health, faithful readers!