Learning to Speak Texan. Or Not.

by meg on September 23, 2014

Meg is still learning to speak and pronounce the official state language of Texas. Sometimes she feels like she’s in a foreign country, one in which no one ever says her name correctly. She either gets called Mag or she gets called Megan. She infinitely prefers Megan, so she often goes to Starbucks and orders a mochacchino for MAYGUNN.

Meg gets a kick out of reading the local newspapers and magazines, because she is sure Texas is the only state where everyone puts an extra vowel or consonant in their name just to mess with you.

For example, she sees good old fashioned Maureen spelled like Maurrine. Arlene is spelled Arlyane. Then there are names like Eula Mae, Charna, Roddy Sue, Ina Irine, Tula, Patsy, and Odell. It makes Meg’s head spin, because nobody here is named just Beth or Jen.

Then there is the litany of words Meg constantly wrinkles her brow in puzzlement at. Want to take a like vocabulary and slang quiz with her today? Let’s begin!

RAY-ID – the color red, as in Santa’s colorful red jacket.

HAY-ALL – as in a 5 inch Jimmy Choo shoe. Also see: eternal damnation.

STANKIN’ – a term of endearment, as in “your dog Jack is stinkin’ cute.

INNNNNNNNN-shurince – stuff you pay a boatload of money for to drive your car in Texas.

AGGGER-vated – Meg just usually calls this pissed off.

Y’ALL – something that comes out of a Texan’s mouth every two seconds.

JAY-ZUS – Our Lord and Savior, naturally.

YAY-IN-KEE - Anyone not from Texas.

F**K - HA! Trick question, Meg has NEVER heard this word except from another New Englander, when we get together for our secret club meetings and let f-bombs fly.

Just for the record, Meg occasionally says YOU ALL, which IS NOT to be CONFUSED with Y’ALL, a phrase which she hears spoken as “How y’all y’all today?” To be which replies “Great. Howah you guys doin”? In her very best Boston accent, of course.

{ 7 comments }

Meg Returns From Vacation

by meg on August 15, 2014

Or, how I put the Blahhhg into my Blog since I returned from vacation!

Blurg, Blahg, Burble.

Those were the sounds of Meg’s stomach and digestive track for the last several weeks. Almost four weeks ago, Meg was returning from her lovely New England vacation, and dined at a famous seafood establishment at Boston’s Logan airport. After eating at Schmegal Leefoods, she proceeded to step off the plane and get violently ill with food poisoning; as in a one week diet consisting of gingerale and protein bars. She was super glad the staff told her they stayed up drinking and partying all night and were performing their jobs like zombies, because Meg is sure that attention to detail in the kitchen (such as salmonella growing on food) contributed to her month long malaise.

Anyway, a newly trim Meg has some vacation photos to share, and a slightly sunnier outlook than she had at the end of July:

First stop: Boston

Meg loves how the old Custom House Tower shines above the modern buildings:

Onward to Cape Cod, where the official flower was in bloom everywhere:

Hi Mom! Thanks for hosting us!

Needless to say a boat ride on a sunny day was in order, so we decided Martha’s Vineyard was the spot to be. We sailed right into the middle of a regatta. That’s right, not a boat race, a regatta.

Right? Who needs a lobster roll, raise your hand!

Meg did not realize how much she missed lobster until she had no access to it, so she pretty much ate seafood every single day.

They took a tour of the historic Methodist campground, where tiny little Victorian cottages were decked out in their summer outfits of colorful flowers:

Precious Porches, indeed!

How could Meg not enter this enchanting bookstore?

I want this view. I demand to see this out my window every day:

And yes, hats are needed when you are by the ocean, because you have no idea what salt water can do to one’s hair.

At the end of a beautiful day, the Super Moon beckoned us to take a walk on the beach:

The next stop was Maine. Land of the big lighthouse:

And cute little baby lighthouses:

Land of the lobster:

And where you can still find a real fountain coke:

She also appreciated those guys in Maine that bought Meg and her husband some beers one rainy afternoon, and proceeded to explain in detail how there “wall of shame” worked. It was pretty simple. You get too shitfaced, and you basically got kicked out. There was a prominent entry that said “Dallas Cowboys jacket guy”. Everyone remembered him getting thrown out onto the sidewalk and Meg thinks to this day anyone with Dallas gear would get thrown out for just showing up. So don’t parade around on Commercial St. in Portland with your Texas gear, OK?

Meg appreciates the beauty of New England each time she goes home, as well as all the other quirky things like Wise Potato chips, decent hot dogs with real split top buns, and people that say “HOWAHYA”? And especially bars with walls of shame. Sigh.

Right Where I Belong

July 9, 2014

Meg has been busily preparing for vacation and can’t wait to escape the Texas heat and the Texas sized house. She realized she really needed some time away when she awoke to this sight: That’s right, she had her Victoria’s Secret nightshirt on inside out. Even without her glasses, she examined her disheveled self in [...]

Read the full article →

Hair Through The Ages.

June 19, 2014

This week Mama Kat asked us to post a Throwback Thursday photo and write about it. But honestly, Meg couldn’t limit it to one stingy photo when it comes to the subject of hair, or should I say the stuff on our heads and the bane of every women’s existence. (with the possible exception of [...]

Read the full article →

The Path to Heaven

June 13, 2014

…is your local business directory. Recently Meg became aware of a local business directory from a very popular church, one that people keep asking her to join. It’s highly unlikely Meg will join this church, but she may perform a social experiment and see what all the fuss is about. In the meantime she diligently [...]

Read the full article →

Texas Travelogue!

June 2, 2014

Meg has been busy these past few weeks but it’s all good! No really, she has been on the road, and is planning to bore you with photos of her Texas adventures. When we last left our hero Jack, he was visiting bluebonnet country, posing for all the best future Christmas photos a girl could [...]

Read the full article →