Potpourri for $100

by meg on May 23, 2013

Whenever Meg cannot nail a coherent post down, she counts on blog Jeopardy to get her out of trouble. Let’s start with the easy Potpourri category and see if Meg can’t run the board this morning!

If there isn’t another reason to hate Gwyneth Paltrow more, please refer to her daily routine below:

“I wake up at 7 a.m., I get [the kids] fed, and I get them dressed in their uniforms, any bits of homework are finished,” Paltrow explained. “I take them to school. She [Apple, now 9] gets dropped off at 8:25 a.m., and he [Moses, now 7] gets dropped off at 8:45 a.m., so we have a croissant together in his school dining room and we do reading together. Then I go home and I work for one hour on all the e-mails that come in overnight from L.A. Then I exercise from about 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. Then I work on Goop [the digital media and e-commerce company she founded] pretty much the rest of the day until I pick up my kids and then they have various activities.”

I don’t know about you, but the part about the croissant annoys the living shit out of me.

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Remember how the Old Spice guy made a big splash a few years ago?

Kraft decided that kind of thing might work for salad dressing. Feast your eyes on the Kraft “Zesty Guy”:

And if you have a friend that needs cheering up, feel free to head here and send them a “Zesty Gram”. I personally would not mind receiving this in an email!

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You know how we all find the Bachelor and The Bachelorette degrading? See how Jimmy Kimmel turns that franchise on it’s ear by debuting the “Baby Bachelor“:

Somehow the dinosaur ceremony seems so much more meaningful than the rose ceremony.
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Meg can never resist the chance to throw a little Jon Stewart your way:

Plus, it’s so refreshing to see another country with screwed up politicians, right?

Consider that your “daily double” for the day!

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Professor Backwards

by meg on May 13, 2013

Wasn’t there some guy named Professor Backwards that used to mangle the English language?

Meg is here to tell you he is alive and well, and living under her roof. The Professor is a magna cum laude graduate of a prestigious college, and despite his stellar liberal arts education he continues to mangle the English language, puzzling Meg with his euphemisms.

For example. since we moved to Texas, he constantly wants to visit “Forth Worth“. To which Meg says,”well, let’s go forth to Fort Worth then.” Forth/Fort Tomato/Too-mato, right?

Professor, the ever helpful husband, has been busy providing Meg with the latest musical technology so she can enjoy some tunes poolside. He kindly set up a portable BOSE speaker that can talk to her phone and her laptop so she can listen to “Pandora’s Box“. Holy crap, I hope I don’t unleash a reign of terror by the pool! Who knows what will come out of the box?

When we were discussing some issue or another the other night, and he mentioned “the jury still isn’t out on that. Please see below for the correct use:

Idiom Definitions for ‘Jury’s out’
If the jury’s out on an issue, then there is no general agreement or consensus on it.

Does anyone see the word isn’t in there? I could not convince the professor he was using that phrase incorrectly. Imagine if he were on the Jodi Arias jury?

I told the professor the other day to hang some of the winter coats in the spare room (rooms, actually) closet. He said, “you mean the red room”? I’m all like “red room? Like Jack Nicholson in The Shining Red Rum“?

Despite the door, I’ve done so much better with the interior of the room:

It’s the red room!

Of course, marriage wouldn’t be as entertaining if there weren’t a lot of Professor Backward stories. Which reminds Meg, she will have to tell the story about how the Professor and his cohort Gilligan* (*Meg’s brother-in-law) were late for a dinner reservation because they were playing golf with a guy who’s hands were blown off by lightning. I know, we still have never gotten that story straight, but it’s become the tale legends are made of.

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I Can’t Help Myself Friday. Fashion Happens.

May 10, 2013

The Met Gala took place in New York this week, and provided Meg with a spark! She needed to examine and critique fashion trends; and who better to share with than her faithful blog readers. Are you ready to have a little fun? You know, it’s not so much the bathing suit Kim Kardashian, as [...]

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Words That Annoy Me.

May 6, 2013

Recently Slate magazine had an article on words people hate. Curiously, the word that triggered the most reaction was the word “moist”. moist Part of Speech: adjective Definition of moist 1. wet, wettish Synonyms: clammy, damp, dampish, dank, dewy, dripping, drippy, drizzly, humid, irriguous, muggy, not dry, oozy, rainy, soggy, teary, watery Meg was a [...]

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The Corner That Changed the World.

April 30, 2013

Meg knows she hasn’t written in awhile, she has been busy trying to bond with her new town and state. Meg would like to thank Twisted Susan for encouraging her each time she ventures from the house and tries something new, because the Lone Star state can be just *that*. Lone. Anyway, Meg was like [...]

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I Can’t Help Myself Friday. Where I Just Let Everyone Talk.

April 19, 2013

Well, Meg guesses she must talk as well. Jesus H. Christ, what a week. She finally is letting the f-bombs fly, showing some edginess, and done saying “oh my stars” when she means “what the fuck“? Cause really, that is what she means. My city is on lockdown as they corner a teenage terrorist. What [...]

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