The Members Lounge

I miss my mind the most…Mark Twain

Yes, it’s finally happened. Actually, two things have happened concurrently. One is the loss of mind, and the other the loss of vision, which I’ve determined go hand in hand.

I already have a wide array of glasses and contact lenses:

Despite all the lens power in my arsenal, signs looked like this:

And when I spiced up my morning coffee this happened:

And no, a savory hint of sage isn’t the best taste sensation when you expect cinnamon.

One night, in the combination I’ve lost my mind and my vision extravaganza, I had a fabulous pot of sauce and meatballs on the stove for dinner. When I went to get the crusty loaf of bread to turn into garlic bread, it was gone. As in it’s not in the refrigerator. So I check the freezer thinking maybe I really froze the bread. Hmm, not there.

Let’s check the laundry area. No. Is it in the recycling? No. Let’s check the bathroom and the office while we’re at it, because I may have inadvertently placed a loaf of bread in a linen closet or something.

Several days later, I still have no idea what happened to that loaf. I do, however, have an appointment to get my eyes checked.

So I can’t see a loaf of bread, but I can still see every speck of dirt on my windows. Great.

Can I get rose colored glasses for that?

Tags: losing my mind, vision loss

Shadow, schmadow groundhog. What, another 6 weeks of winter? You have freaking fur, right? I saw a robin that day, and he said spring is on the way. And he only has little wings, you furry wuss.

Look who’s courting climbing to bed with Wall Street Bankers on Capitol Hill this week:

Luckily, the banking community was spared the ugly beta carotene explosion that has scarred Congressman John Boehner for life, turning him a permanent shade of orange. Paging George Hamilton for an intervention!

Dear Katie Holmes,

Apparently you confused your events. You see, it was the Sundance Film Festival you were attending, not the Contradance Festival. And hey, get over here while I take a pair of scissors to those bangs!

In the I’ll never get country music department:

The Zac Brown Band has some catchy lyrics to a song they call “Chicken Fried”:

“I thank God for my life, And for the stars and stripes, May freedom forever fly, let it ring, Salute the ones who died, And the ones that give their lives, so we don`t have to sacrifice, All the things we love, Like our chicken fried…”

Sigh. My brain just exploded on that one.

An old junior high diary (not mine!) brings back memories:

Oh God kid, that’s my dream list too. Big giant heart over the i in WISH.

Have a great weekend people!

Tags: John Boehner, Katie Holmes, Zac Brown

May I bore you with my progress on a New Year’s Resolution was a goal for me this year?

While writing my 2010 wish list a few weeks ago, I decided I needed to paint more. After I went back to school full time, had the job from hell, and had an addition put on my house, that hobby kind of fell by the wayside. Don’t get me wrong, creativity was around, but I just kept looking at this certain project and went, maybe this weekend. Or not.

So here’s what’s been sitting in my garage since last summer:

Once upon a time, I bought these at a flea market and thought I might hang them on my garden shed. But then the garden shed made way for a garage, and now what?

So last summer I had a brilliant idea to turn them into a screen. There are actually 4 shutters, so I figured if I hinged them together, I could them into a really cool decorative piece.

So I stripped and painted them, and sketched out a design to transfer onto them:

So the project is taking shape, and best of all, I’m having fun with it! And extra bonus, I only paid 20 bucks for the shutters, so it’s economical too!

And now that I’ve posted this, I expect you good blogger friends will hold me accountable for making good on finishing this project.

Stay tuned!

Tags: decorative painting, making good on a New Year's resolution

I wrote about how my mouse turned me inside out a few months ago, and I decided at that time an upgrade to Windows 7 was seriously in order. And then yadda, yadda, yadda the holidays were here and who feels like making backups and burning CD’s and blech, who need this crap?

And hey, since the laptop was humming along OK, and Vista was minding it’s own business, I delayed that upgrade. Because it cut into ME time.

Last weekend I tried to add an extra monitor to my set up, where the additional screen would equal OMG I can see the screen and I love having all this real estate to play with!

But, alas the laptop didn’t like that, and I’m pretty sure I actually heard this sound as I rebooted my frozen screen for the third time:

So, the deed had been done, the software purchased, and I’ll be in my own episode of Law and Order this week, remembering all the while:

In the laptop and desktop world, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: Microsoft, who pretends to investigate their criminal operating systems and the MAC, who should prosecute Microsoft. These are their stories.

Wish me luck.

Tags: Law and Order, upgrade to Windows 7

Do you have a dream husband?

I’m not talking real life spouses or partners here. I’m talking the kind of husband that pops up on the the radar when the spirit moves you. Say you watch a movie or a football game. The handsome star may take on a new light, in which you say something like:

“And then my husband Tom Brady threw a pass down the field”!

When the Patriot’s lost their playoff game a few weeks ago, Ain’t Miss Beehavin and I were like:

and then BOSSY said:

Our friend Bossy has actually had many husbands scattered throughout the course of her blog career, chief being John Cusack, although, Robert Downey Jr., in his older and more sober persona has merited recent consideration.

Some are lucky enough to spend time with their dream husbands, like my friend Sheila. (not a blogger, but she seriously should be she’s so funny!) She is hanging here with her husband, Denzel Washington:

I think everyone needs a fantasy husband. Or three. Here are my top picks, sorted by category. For the next few weeks anyway.

Fashion and shopping husband:

Hey, no one said the husband couldn’t be gay!!! Clinton Kelly from What Not to Wear would make the most fabulous shopping and fashion consulting husband. Saks and lunch, Clinton?

Cooking in the kitchen with:

Ladies, I give you T.R. Pescod. He’s a top model, but is also seen on the Barefoot Contessa as a right hand man in Ina’s kitchen. I need a fresh baguette, T.R., stat!

Here’s a husband to just relax with:.

And Liam Neeson makes the perfect trifecta.

Do tell, who are your fantasy husbands?

Tags: Clinton Kelly, Denzel Washington, John Cusack, Liam Neeson, T.R. Pescod

When I get my daily paper, the Boston Globe, I start off with the front section which is called “Nation“. (aka, the bad and depressing news portion, and OMG when’s the last time you saw anything uplifting THERE?)

So, I dutifully peruse the news on the economy, Haiti, and healthcare. I stop and think about a shot of Bailey’s in my morning java, and then flip toward the editorial pages. I come to a screeching halt and look at this:

Oh hello sex video ad, fancy meeting you here! Two free videos you say? And 26 amazing techniques with real people demonstrating??? 50% off if I get 4!

Now, I’m not an uptight person, but I didn’t think the ad belonged in the newspaper. Especially one that advertises the fact that if you donate the cost of your vacation paper, it will help fund it’s Newspapers in Education program.

Well kids, this morning you got an education, but probably not the kind your parents wanted. But in the corner of the ad, it does say Warning: Highly Explicit. For adults 18 and over. Thank goodness they’re looking out for you!

Tags: Boston Globe, creepy ads in newspapers